Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sorry: The Game of Sweet Revenge

November 23, 2008

Games nearly always involve a winner and a loser. The game is going somewhere and in the end one person or team wins, and others lose. To the winner goes the spoils, the celebrity, the fame, the power, the money, the glory. In the 70’s they tried to create games where nobody would win or lose. (In the 70’s they also created disco, so we know that not all ideas from the 70’s are good ones.) The New Games, which emphasized the play rather than the conclusion, never really caught on outside of freshmen year orientation.

This is the reality of games. We try to play against the other teams strengths and weaknesses. We plot, plan and prepare. And we know this is the reality of how it’s gonna go down- winner and loser.

So I have to commend the makers of Sorry. Instead of adopting the, nobody wins, nobody loses dream of the 70’s, they decided to fully embrace this reality of competition. The game is based on one person leveraging themselves against the others. One player advances by sending others players back to the beginning. You advance at their expense. It’s been a while since I played the game, but it always opened the door for some very interesting interactions. At first, one would timidly send a player back to start, usually accompanied by the title- sorry! A few minutes in we forget the pleasantries. A few more minutes in, we are going for the jugular- we revel in sending someone back to square one. We knock their piece over in disgust. We toss them off the board, we laugh in their face. Our opponents are reduced to tears. There is weeping and gnashing and rending of garments. We smugly say, don’t like, then quit. You’re gonna lose either way!

Then the game ends and we move on, right? WRONG! Kids revel in defeating their parents. Husbands and wives go to bed without speaking to each other. One reveling in the win, and the other, like the title says, begins to plot their sweet revenge. They’ll flush the toilet when they are in the shower. They’ll make sure the others favorite cereal is all gone. They’ll be late, or make them late for an important meeting. They’ll not hang up their coat because they know it drives the other crazy.

We’ve all been beaten and burned in life. And we’ve all allowed our minds to travel down this path of revenge, ruminating, plotting, preparing for our sweet revenge. Some of us have not just let our minds go down that path, we started to walk it. We actually start to put these thoughts and plans into action. What’s the old expression, Revenge is a dish served best cold.

Oh sweet revenge! Something about this game calls to some of us. In fact, for some of us, this is no game. This is our life. This is our passion. We become consumed with the desire, the dream, the hope, of revenge.

Author John Ortberg calls it the law of Lamech. In Genesis a man named Lamech is wronged. It is a genuine wrong. Lamech response isn’t just to hurt back, his response is ultimate revenge- murder. But not only that, he makes a vow- I will repay anyone who hurts me 77 times over. And eye for an eye- not good enough. Child’s play. 77 times over I will hurt you for every hurt you inflict on me.

Do any of you have any great revenge stories? I mean a really great revenge story? Did you ever read or see the Count of Monte Cristo? What a great revenge story. Edmond Dantes is betrayed by a trusted friend who has him set up and imprisoned. He takes Edmonds, job, his fiancĂ©, his freedom, his life. For thirteen years Edmond rots in a jail and is ready to take his own life by starvation. He befriends an old man tunneling his way out who ends up teaching Edmond about books, politics, chemistry, art and war. As the plot thickens he reveals the secret of a lost fortune to Edmond, and upon his escape, Edmond claims this fortune and begins to follow his new calling in life- revenge. As the story progresses Edmund is consumed by his desire for revenge, he loses sight of who has betrayed him, and who he can count on. The lives of those he loves becomes intertwined with those he hates. Instead of winning back the love of his life he is on a path to destroy. More and more he realizes that all his fortune, fame and power means nothing. More and more he begins to see that this path of vengeance is eating away at his soul… Wait, that’s not a great revenge story. It ends up being a story about how revenge ends up killing more of the one seeking it, than the one being sought.

There has got to be some great story about revenge, where somebody wrongs someone else, that person plots and plots and spends a lifetime time conspiring the others demise, they exact some sweet revenge, and then it’s everything they hoped it would be. The wrong against them is magically lifted, the years they spent consumed by the desire for revenge were all worth it, and the revenge brings them the peace and purpose and fulfillment they were looking for all along. There has got so be some story like that?

Or at least, that’s what we keep telling ourselves. And many of us must keep telling ourselves this because many people have spent the better part of their life seeking and plotting revenge for a wrong committed against them, ever believing that somehow it will be so sweet and will heal our wounds.

But you see, even Hollywood has figured out what so many miss- there really is no such thing as sweet revenge. You see, there really are no great revenge stories are there. I mean, there are great stories. But there are no really truly great REVENGE stories, because there are never really and winners in the game of revenge. But still, we keep harboring fantasies and plans for sweet revenge. “I’ll make them pay” is the thought, the hope, the sickness that keeps us going.

But all the while, the game is killing us. Fredrick Beuchner wrote
of all the deadly sins resentment, or anger, appears to be the most fun. To lick your wounds and savor the pain you will give back is in many ways a feast fit for a king. But in the end it turns out that what you are eating at the banquet of bitterness is your own heart. The skeleton at the feast is you. You start out holding a grudge, but in the end the grudge holds you!

You see, this game is a little different. The only way to win this game is to refuse to play. You see, there really is no right way to play the game of sweet revenge. Sex, we play that game- by the rules. Money, great game to play by the rules. Revenge, and all its groupies- bitterness, resentment, anger- we don’t play this game. This is where we walk away from the board. We don’t even entertain thoughts of playing this one, because it can only lead to our self-destruction. It will consume us until all that is left is the lifeless skeleton of our remains.

Some of you have been playing this game for a long time. For days, weeks, years, whole seasons of your life. We know what it’s like to carry anger.

  • Maybe your mom or dad left when you were a kid. They robbed you the opportunity of a having them there, of having a stable household. Of having both a healthy, well-adjusted man, and a healthy well-adjusted woman, in a healthy well adjusted relationship. They took that from you, and that rots. That was wrong. It really was. They took that from you, and you’ve been taking that with you ever since.
  • You had a best friend in high school. You told each other everything. You were inseparable and talked about everything, to the point of driving your parent or parents crazy. You vowed to be there for each other always, and you would never let anybody or anything come between you. Until he entered the picture. And even though you were the one with the crush, he asked her to the dance. And you’ve been carrying that betrayal with you ever since.
  • You had an idea at work. It was the idea of the decade, the one that would make all the difference for your company. You just didn’t realize how huge it was. You just thought it was a good insight. SO you told your manager, and because you manager knew the inner workings and reality of the company better, they knew this idea was the golden egg that would change everything. And it did, and you never saw a penny of it. In fact, your manager realized he would have to squeeze you out so that you could not make a fuss and reveal the truth. And you’ve carred that with yo ever since.
  • You made a promise to your spouse to have and to hold, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. And you were happy to make that promise. It wasn’t even work for yo, it was a delight. Everything was going great. Then without warning you came home and they were, packing the bag. You have no idea what happened, all you know is they are in love with someone else, so they say, and they are leaving. And you have been robbed of the promise you had all intentions to keep for a lifetime.

The bible always talks about this stuff in a debt/debtor relationship. Or they are defined as “trespasses” against us. Someone robs us of our childhood. They take our marriage. They steal our idea. They destroy our reputation. The most nature response is resentment, is anger, is revenge. They owe you and you must make them pay. You want to get even. They took something from you and you need to make amends. They own you and you must make them pay 77 times over! And you have been carrying that desire, that resentment, that hope for revenge with you for a lifetime.

And it’s eating you alive. And you need to get rid of it.

Ephesians 4 The writer tells us, "in your anger do not sin." It’s OK to be angry. It’s normal to get angry. It would be weird to not get angry. You would have to be an emotional cold fish! In fact, it’s normal to get angry because in the world bad things, wrong things, awful things are going to happen to us. Things that are not right- unjust, unfair, awful and wrong things. But there is one thing worse- to then take that anger, and let it grow. In your anger do not sin. Inyour anger, do;t take that emotion and use it as a spring board to say something you can never take back. To do something that you are going to regret. Or, to use that and to start down a very very dark path in life. A path of seeking payback, or revenge and retribution.

He writes do not let the sun do down while you are angry. This was a common saying of the time, and it still is. It has worked it way into our collective marriage advice- well what ever you do, don’t go to bed angry. You have to work it out. And it’s great advice. Because the worst thing you can do is to take that anger and carry it into the next day. And you’ve probably done that if you’re married. You took that anger into the next day, and you were much less inclined to get up and make the coffee. You happened to forget to kiss her good bye and say I love you. You didn’t call on the way home to see if you could pick anything up. In fact, you were late getting home, but that doesn’t matter because she wasn’t making you dinner anyways because she is WAAAAY better at being angry than you. Yeah, I said that- hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Brothers, you do not want to get into a revenge match with a woman because they will beat you every time. They will out smart, out last, out play you every time.

Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Don’t carry that emotion into he next day, because when it does, it gets a foothold in your heart. It’s a hold, and the long it’s there, the more comfortable it will feel.. The longer it is there, the more at home it’s gonna be. The longer it is there, the more is is gonna just become a part of the scenery of you life. It gets in there, and it settles down. And the longer it is there, the harder it will be to get rid of. The harder its gonna be to even know why it’s there, or how it’s there, or what happened in the first place. Have you been so mad at someone for so long, that you can’t even remember why you were mad? "Honey, what were we fighting about last week?" "I don’t know, but I’m still mad." "Well so am I."

When you start carrying that anger, that revenge, around with you, it gets in there, it’s hard to get rid of, and it starts spilling out into everything and everyone! Soon, you are going to find yourself in a whole new age and stage and place in life. But that anger, that revenge, is going to be so interwoven into your life, you won’t see it anymore, but I’m telling you, the people around you do. You’ll take that anger from your childhood, and bring into your first marriage. You’ll take that anger from your first marriage, and you’ll take it into your second marriage. You’ll take that anger from work, and you’ll take it out on your wife. You’ll take that anger at your parents, and you’ll seek revenge on you kids.

Don’t let the sun set on your anger, don’t carry it into the next season of your life, don’t carry it into the next relationship, the next job, into your relationship with your kids. Don’t carry it with you any longer. Deal with it. How? It’s so simple you won’t like the answer. It’s so simple a child can understand it. It so simple, but that why we can all do it. Get rid of it. Yeap, that simple. Verse 31, get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Ger rid of it. But George, you don’t understand. I was hurt, I was wronged. I know you were- get rid of it. But George, it’s not fair what they did. I know it wasn’t. I want to make them pay. I know you do. I want revenge. I know you do- now get rid of it. But George, if I told you want happened, you would be enraged. I know I would. You could tell me stories that would make my blood boil. I’ve heard stories that make me sick. I’ve heard of things that parents have done that make me want to kill them. That make me furious. I’ve heard of things spouses have done that make me want to go up to that guy and punch them right in their big stupid smug face. I’ve heard stories of injustice that make me want to scream. And after all the emotion, and frustration and discussion- get rid of it.

You not hurting them any more. You only hurting yourself, and now your hurting everyone else that comes in touch with your life. So it’s time to get rid of it. You’re going through life and you realize there is a small lump, or a persistent cough, or a spot that just doesn’t look right. You go to the doctor. The worst possible of news comes back. It’s not nothing, and it’s not benign. It’s cancer. What do you say, what’s the first think that goes through your head, the first things you ask- well doctor, what are we gonna do to get rid of it. Yeah, you want to find out what it is, where it is, how you got it. You want to understand it- but all of that is so that you can get rid of it. You’re not like. Oh, I think we need to use me as a test subject. Let’s seek to study and embrace this cancer and let it go untreated so that we understand the cancer and analyze that cancer, and see how the cancer will slowly kill me. NO- you want to get rid of the cancer. That’s the most important thing, that’s the only thing. Get rid of it- whatever it takes. IF it takes surgery, cut it out. If it takes putting chemicals into my body that will half kill me, but fully kill that cancer, do it. It will be worth the pain, the agnony, losing my hair, suffering greatly. I will subject myself to that because if I don’t I know something even worse is going to happen- it is going to kill me. SO more than anything else, now matter what it takes, no matter what the cost- get rid of it!

Someone of us have stuff eating us alive from the inside out. It has been growing in our heart and in our soul and it has grown tentacles that have reached into every part of our lives- our relationships, our work, our marriage, our parenting, even now into our kids lives as we see our anger not just lashing out that them, be wee see them even taking on our anger and rage and resentment and revenge. You have to get rid of it!

It’s time to forgive. As Christ has forgiven you! It’s time to forgive. The bible isn’t just good therapy and advice, the bible is good theology. The bible always brings it back to God. And this is what take sit a step further than we every could on our own. We model our forgiveness after the God who invented forgiveness. Because when we compare our lives to Jesus, well there is no comparison. God, who was perfect, who is perfect, forgives us of every thought, every deed, every angry, bitter hateful spiteful word, of everything. He clears the slate, he forgives us completely, and brings us into a relationship with him, and get gets on with life with us. He doesn’t let the sun set on his anger. He has already dealt with it. And he says I’m here to help you deal with it as well- get rid of it. Give it to me.

Name it- who do you want revenge on?
Identify it- why do you want revenge on them?
Then finally- get rid of it! Walk away from it. Forgive as you have been forgiven!

Because the thing is, we can never get back those things that are taken from us. We can never right the wrongs committed against us. When you childhood is stolen, you can’t get it back. When your first marriage is destroyed, you can’t get it back. When your reputation is damaged, you can undo the damage. And there are so many of us seeking revenge on people or for things that we can never go back to. You parents are dead. Highschool is over. Your X has moved on. For so many of the things we want revenge on, it’s not even really an option, is it?

So GET RID IF IT!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Monopoly: Playing with Money

left to our own devices, and left with only the influence of our culture and world- we will desire more and more and more and more. We will look at life like a giant monopoly board- we will want to own the board and crush the competition. We will leverage all our assets and every opportunity to get more money! We love money! We are like scrooge McDuck- we want to swim in a pool filled with bills and coins. But there is an antidote. There is another way to play the game of money. To play the game of wealth and stuff. And you already know what it is. We all know what it is. But like most things in life, it’s not a matter of knowing, it’s a matter of application, or practice.

I’m going to tell you where we’re going, then I’m going to start over and tell you how we get there. Here is how to play the game of money correctly- give a minimum of 10%, save a minimum of 10%, enjoy the rest. It’s the most simple and sound financial and spiritual advice in the world. It sounds good to everyone. But the world has convinced us, and we have convinced ourselves, that is unrealistic, even impossible. But the truth is, and each and every one of you knows this- it’s not. You choice where every dollar you make goes. You make that choice. You make the choices that free you to live this way. You’ve made the choices that don’t allow you to live that way. You can make the choices that would bring you back to this way.

In this Game of Life series we are talking about areas of life in which we play around. But unlike a game that we finish playing, put the pieces away, and move on with our day, these games effect everything. These games are not zero-sum-total outcomes. These games have implications for every area of life. We started with the pursuit of meaning in life. Life is not a trivial pursuit, but a passionate pursuit of God, of his purpose, plans will and way in our lives and in the world. And getting right with God gets meaning into our lives. We talked about sex and how the way we play with game will effect everything health- our health, our happiness, our relationships, our souls. Sex, perhaps more than any other game, has the power to bring pleasure, or pain, into our lives and the lives of others we play with. So we said, very plainly, very matter-of-factly, how to play the game- one man, one woman, become husband and wife, and start playing with game with the knowledge that this is how babies are made, this is how a couple is bonded together.

Today we have a likewise simple game plan, but one that few are following. And because they are not following it, they are losing. So we are going to look at how we are doing as a people in the game of money. In Canada personal bankruptcies are at an all-time high. In 2003 Canada passed a major landmark in how people live with, understand and spend money, and it will have implications for all of us and our economy. In 2003 for the first time, the average Canadian, meaning the majority of Canadians, spent more than he or she made. As a society we moved past equilibrium, and into debt.
At 22 years of age, the average student now graduates with $25,000 of debt. $1500 in credit card debt. That is not student loans- that’s credit card debt- translated, that’s $1500 worth or pizza, video games and clothing.

My daughter asked for a credit card. She’s been watching her mother and I. We go to the store. We get stuff. We go to the register, we run the card through. We walk away. It’s like magic! She wants a card. Think of all the stuff she could get. I’m like why do you want a card- because I want more stuff. Why do you want more stuff- stuff makes me happy. How are you going to pay for the stuff? With the credit card. She doesn’t get it. I say your mother and I have never missed paying off our balance in full ever. She has no idea what that means. I say, we use a credit card like a bank card. She has no idea what that means. We know how much we have, we never go over our checking account. I tell her I’ve never paid a penny of interest on credit cards because I don’t see it as a credit card, it’s a checking account card with air miles. She doesn’t get it. And many people don’t get it until it’s too late.

Any way you slice it, credit card debt is bad debt. And it gets worse after college once people are earning money. The average consumer owes $3,184 of credit card debt, or $8,299 per household. Most of you have credit card debt, 30% of you are only making minimum payments. And only 41% of you know what interest you are being charged on that credit card. So I’m going to tell you- and trust me, I’m not yet preaching the good news. This is bad news. You should be shocked at this- Upwards of 20%. Here’s what all of you should be thinking right now. If someone offered me an investment opportunity (not a spending opportunity) that guaranteed me that I would make a 20% profit rate on my money, do you know what I would do- I would do this and all of you would do this. I would liquidate every asset I could, even if liquidating that asset involved some penalties, I’d pull out of my pension plan, out of my IRA’s out of my RRSP’s, out of everything I had in the market, and I would put all of that money in that investment. Because if I could invest at 20% annually on my initial investment, I would be extremely wealthy extremely fast. I’d double my money in 5 years. In 20 years that $10,000 would be $50,000. That’s without adding anything else to that investment. Just letting it sit. And guess what, if you make that compound interest, meaning, you earn interest on the money as it continues to role over, then your 10,000 would be $383,376.00 in 20 years.

Here’s the thing, you are playing the game opposite. You are spending money at an 20% interest rate. If you charge $10,000 on a credit card and make the minimum payment it will take you 23 years to pay that off, and you will have paid nearly $10,000 in interest. When you buy on a credit card and start making minimum payments you double what you pay for anything. Those shoes don’t cost $50. They cost you $100.

Here’s why this matters- We are playing with money like it’s a game, but it’s not. Some of you are one move away from financial disaster. Some of you are already in financial disaster. Some of you are managing your fiancĂ©s where you are not prepared for any financial surprises. But you know what I‘ve learned about unexpected expense? Expect them. You car will break down. Your refrigerator will need replaced. Your kid will need braces. I can guarantee you numerous unexpected expenses. And you are still playing with you money like a game. It costs us our time, our energy, our work. It creates stress, worry and anxiety. Couples argue about money more than anything else, anything else! They fight about money. Can you believe that couples fight over this! I know, most of you find that hard to believe because you’ve never fought over something so petty as money and spending. You would never let it hold that much power in your life or come between you and you spouse. But it’s true- couples argue and fight and resent each other. They belittle and undermine each other. They stop to trust each other. They get mad and don’t have sex with each other. That would just never be worth it for me!

They start to nag and nit pick about every little thing because they don’t know where the money is going, but they do know this- more money is going out than is coming in, and that can’t help but create an incredible amount of internal stress. That can’t help but become a giant wedge, an impasse in a household and in a relationship. Money has effectively become the unwanted god of their household because they now serve debt. It’s that simple- if you own money, if you are in debt, you are not the master of your life. The one who you owe money to owns you.

Some of you have heard this before, and it’s true- Jesus says more about money than any other topic apart from his mission. As a subject of life and conversation, Jesus says more about money than anything else. What you might be interested to know is that in all his talking about money that we have recorded, he never once asks for money. Maybe he did, because the disciples had money. They had an account of money that they must have used for things like food, shelter and serving others. We don’t know anything about that money really, except that it must have come from people who wanted to support the ministry of Jesus. And maybe Jesus did ask them for money, but none of that is recorded. What is recorded for us is that Jesus instructed people to give to the temple (the church), to give to the poor and needy, and to pay their taxes.

Some people he tells to sell everything they have. Others he simply invited to generousity. But most of all, he warns people of the dangers of the love of money. We know that Jesus was not anti-money. He was not against money and was not calling for a revolution where we burn down the banks and abolish all financial institutions. But he was radically against and on guard against the love of money. He knew that of all the temptations in the world, of all the false gods that people would functionally give their lives to, it was money. I say functionally because Jesus was always concerned most with what was happening inside of us. He knew that few people would outwardly worship money. They aren’t going to put on the monacle and swim in a pool of cash. But more and more I’d argue folks do want to live like this. But he knew that inwardly they would be slaves to money, lovers of money, obsessed with money, consumed with the debts they owed or their desire for more. He talks about money because we obsess about money. We love to play monopoly! We love money!

I want to go to what is perhaps Jesus’ most famous and most often quoted passage on money. Matthew Chapter 6:19-24

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

When Jesus talks about treasure, he is not using the word for money. He’s using the word for treasure. What this means is that he’s referring to anything we treasure. Thing we truly love. Things of great value to us. And what he is telling us is that what we should be most invested in, what we should value the most, are things of eternal value. That’s just good wisdom and life advice. Care most about, invest in, treasure up in the areas of life that matter most. Don’t waste your treasure on temporary, passing stuff. Stuff that will rust and fade away. Because where you treasure things is where your heart will be. And your heart, above all things, should be guarded and treasured. Sometime we are shocked at what we realize we value. And there is sometimes a huge variance in what we think matters to us, and what actually matters to us. We say we value a relationship, but the relationship falls apart, and we never give it a passing thought. We say our stuff doesn’t matter, then we lose something, and suddenly we realize how much this thing, that stuff, mattered to us. Because careful, Jesus says, about where your treasure is located- it is located in temporary things, or is it beigin built up in eternal things.

Then he says some weird stuff about eyes and light. This sis o deep, but we’ll keep it simple- what do your eyes desire? The eyes they say are like the window to the soul. He saying the things your eyes look at and long for and examine closely are a reflection of your heart. And it’s a two way street- the things you continually look at and long for will shed light on you heart. You start looking at and longing for more stuff, and more stuff, and more stuff. We know this.

Do you know when I want the most stuff? When I look at stuff. I’ll be perfectly happy and content. Then I’ll turn on the TV and the commercial will tell me that I deserve a new car. Then I look out my window, and I say hey, you’re right, I’m way too cool to drive a Taurus! They tell me I need a new iphone. Then I look at my old cell phone, and I say hey, you’re right, I can’t play games when I’m supposed to be working, I need that. I go the mall, I’m dressed, warm, and happy. Then I realize that my members only jacket has come full circle, so I’m cool again! But then I look at my bootleg jeans, and I realize I need skinny jeans, or I’m an old, out of touch dad, and I’m not happy anymore. (Actually, I’m really happy being an old dad who has way more important things to worry about than the jeans I wear).

They eye is the lamp of the body- the stuff we look at illuminates our hearts, and if we look at stuff, we’ll only start to want more and more and more and more. So Jesus says this- you can’t serve two masters. You can’t multi-task, and you can’t multi-master. You’re gonna love one and hate the other. Then he hits us right in the heart- you can’t serve both God and money.

As you play the game of life you will have to play the game of monopoly- you will have to. Money is a reality of our world. So you must learn to play, you must learn to play well. Because if you don’t, the game of monopoly will master you. And you can very well end up spending the better part of your life, or even all of your life, serving money. And God doesn’t want you to come to the end of your life and realize you served the wrong master the whole time. God does not want you to waste your life- to waste your life- serving money and not serving Him. And you do not want to waste your life that way either. Money is a waste of a God to worship. He will promise you the world, and in the end, give you nothing in return. He will ask everything of you, he will placate you with shiny, bright and colorful things, then in the end you will realize you really got nothing back.

But our God is a great God. And serving Him is not a waste. Giving to Him is not a waste. It is the best thing you can do with your life and it is the best thing you can do with your money and it is the best way to play this game of monopoly.

And so here is where the rubber meets the road. The old saying goes, show me your checkbook, or credit card bill, or the bottom line, and I’ll show you your values. I will know, just by looking at the bottom line, what’s important to you, what you value, how you have prioritized your life, and where you stand. And a lot of you, a lot of you, would not like the picture painted of you by your bottom line (that sounded funny!) You would say that’s not me, that’s not what I value, that’s not what I believe, that’s not where my treasure is. And I would have to say to you, the numbers don’t lie. The numbers never lie. But if you don’t like what the numbers say- then you can make a choice, and you can change your life, you can serve a better master.

And this is how you do it- you start to give money away. You give money away. You will never be free from the love of money until you give it away. You will never be safe or be free from the worship of money until you give it away because when you give it away you are telling money- I own you. I own you, and you don’t own me. You are just coins and paper. You are just a figure in an account. You are just symbolic of value as gauged by our economy. But you, money, are not symbolic of my net worth. You are not symbolic of my value. You are just a part of life in this world. You are a reality of society that has moved beyond bartar and exchange. You are a tool. And I will be your master, you will not master me.

And the best way to master money is to give it away. When you give it away you are free… There are few things as empowering and joyful as giving money away! Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about because you are already generous, giving people who have mastered your money. Others here have no clue what I’m talking about and you don’t understand this, and you are not really convinced yet because you’ve never experienced this, but I’m telling you, there is nothing more freeing than giving away money, there are few things that have the potential to give us more happiness and joy, and it’s not in spending more money, it’s in giving money.

It’s what author Randy Alcorn calls the treasure principle: I will not be robbed of the joy of giving. That by the grace of God I will never earn so little, or so much, or so middle, that I will be robbed of the joy of giving and saving first, then enjoying the rest. It’s about making the decision that it doesn’t matter if I live below the poverty level- money, or the lack of money, will never be my master, so I will give the first percentage to God. I will never live so far above the poverty level that money is my master. I will give a percentage away.

And when you give it to the church, you are actually telling God, you are the owner. You are the master. I belong to you, and my money belongs to you. I’m actually not my own, and this money is not my own, but it is yours, and I will show by giving you the first cut off the top.

Some of you right now are thinking that this is all very self serving for you, the pastor of a church. So let me be clear on this- God does not need your money. God doesn’t need your money, but he wants you. And he knows that the best way to get you, is to free you from serving money, and the way to free you from serving money, is, again, to give it away.

So let me be very clear about what I’m saying to you- I want you to give a percentage of your money. If you don’t like me, if you don’t trust our church, fine- give your money to something else. Give it to another church, give it to missions, give it to charity, give it to disaster relief, give it to a needy neighbor. But give it away.

But if you ask me, do I want your money? Absolutely. Yeah, I love our church, I want our church to grow. I think our church is an awesome place to be giving your money. But I also know this, where you treasure is, your heart goes also. So if you give to God, your heart starts to go towards God. And if you give to God through this church, you start to store up treasure in this church.

Now I know nothing about the individual giving of any person in this church. That is by design. We have a treasurer who handles the money and a stewardship committee that oversees this area. But if they showed me the numbers, I guarantee you I’d see this correlation- the biggest percentage givers, that is the ones making the biggest sacrifice to give to this church, are also our best volunteers, our best helper, our most faithful volunteers. And I know this because I am human and I know that I only invest in things that matter to me. And when I invest in something, I also give it my time, my energy, by service.

So do I want your giving? Yes, because I also want your heart. Because I want God to have your heart, and because I want Connections to be blessed through you, and I want you to be blest through Connections.

If you are in debt:
So what to do if you are in the hole? Let me tweak the instructions. Give first to God, get on a plan to get out of debt, and live on the bare minimum required to survive. Here’s where you will have to get some help. If you are in debt you are in the place where you need help, you need sound financial advice, and you need a plan to get out of that debt. Here is where I can’t tell you what the percentages are, but I will stick with the first rule- give. Give to God. Do not let money or now the debt of money you owe be your master. Give to God first. It will be significantly less. But do not rob yourself of the freedom and joy that comes with saying Money, you don’t own me- I am in control of you, and I choose to give first to God. Then follow your plan to get out of debt as fast as you can! Get on a plan so you know exactly how and when you will be out of debt. Mark it on your calendar, make it a reality, then celebrate like crazy when it comes to pass. Because then you will know what it’s like to live without that weight on your shoulders. You will, for the first time maybe, know what it’s like to be free from the god of money and from being slave to your debt. Celebrate that freedom.

And here’s the thing- then you can move towards the joy of giving. Because there’s something even greater than being free from debt, it’s being free to give. It’s being free to share, to be generous, to be a blessing to others. And there is nothing quite so thrilling as this.

Some of you are at a different place than us. You have more than you need. You are saving like crazy. But money is still your master because you don’t give any of it away. You live with only your needs in mind, and you do not know the joy of giving money away.

But for all of us, here is the deal. Here is the minimum- give 10, save 10, live off the rest. Get there. Stay there. Then go beyond. Then go to a place where you can give more, save more, and enjoy more what is left over. I’m telling you, the most freeing, the most empowering, the most exhilarating thing you can do is to give your money away! Honestly, it’s a rush. It’s an adrenaline high. Be careful when you start giving, because you might become and addict! You might get so excited about giving money away, you’ll find yourself always thinking about your next fix. You’ll start to plan and budget for your next big give. You’ll start to rework your personal finances, you’ll start to re-prioritize your life and living, all so you can give a little more. You’ll start to hide things from you spouse. They’ll look at the finances, and they’ll be like, honey, there’s a thousand dollars unaccounted for in our checking? Where did that go? And you’ll have to tell him, or you’ll have to tell her, honey, I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself, I gave it away! Then you’ll get all defensive and you’ll say, and you know what, I’m happy that I gave money away. I’m happy it did it, and I’d do it again, in fact, I’m already thinking about doing it again. Then your wife will just start to cry and say, oh God, where did I go right with this man?

It’s true folks. Once you break free of god of money, once you master it, and give it to God, and say God you get the first portion, and you get it all really- it all belongs to you. Once you experience the joy of generosity, the security of saving, you will spend responsibly and enjoy the game of money more than you thought possible.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Twister: Playing with Sex

We want to talk to you about sex today in a real, honest, open and frank way because we realize that in today’s culture it is very possible to completely miss this aspect of our humanity. You can grow up today and potentially never hear about sex, be exposed to anything sexual or titillating, you may be aware that there are boys and girls, and they are different, but you’re not even sure why. HA!

Nowhere are we probably more afraid to invite God into the game of Life than in the area of sex. Because let’s face it- for a lot of us, that just sounds kind of weird. But there is nothing kinky or crazy about it, in fact, we know, we really do know that God has to be a part of this area of our lives, because God invented the game, he knows how to play the game, he has shown us the box in which we hold the game, the rules by which we play the game, and he has shown us very clearly what winning the game looks like, and what losing the game looks like. And like all these games that we’ll be talking about - you do not want to lose. You do not want to lose in this area of the game of life. Losing in this area, like all the other areas we’ll be talking about, will spill over into all the other areas, and in the end, can ruin the whole game for you. It can ruin every other part of the game of your life. Or it can be a central part of winning this whole game as it brings into your life a solid and beautiful marriage and family.

Now I don’t have to convince anyone here, at least I don’t think I do, that we are playing a lot of twister in our lives. I hope there are a lot of people who have won at the game of twister, and it’s a game that you really like playing. REALLY like playing. There are others here who have really lost at this game. You have played a whole lot of twister, in a lot of ways, with a lot of different people. You have treated others like an enemy of the game, and you have hurt them. You have been hurt because of the way others played with you. You played the game in some unwise ways, and it’s cost you.

Some folks love stats. They often make my eyes glaze over. But some stats here are very telling in how we are, as a culture, playing the game of sex.
Let’s start with adults: 96% of adults between ages 20-60 report have had sex. They are not virgins. On the flip side, 4% report being virgins, never having had sex. Now the study didn’t get into this, but I will infer from this, and from the bible, that this means that you can live a rich, full fulfilled life, and never have sex. You can be a sexual being, make of female, have that be an integral part of your identity, and yet never engage in the act of sex. We have one stellar example of this life as Christians- His name was Jesus.

Of the sexually active, 29% if men between the ages of 20-60 report having 15 or more sexual partners. 9% of women report 15+. Someone is lying, or that 9% have had way more than just 15 partners. But at this level, “partner” isn’t really the right word. They’re just playing a game of twister with a warm body.

17% of men and 25% of women report having only one sexual partner in their lifetime. Most of these folks are married. Now these starts are really broad strokes: roughly 80% of people marry in their life time. Roughly 50% of these end in divorce, though the divorce rate is dropping. More than one in 3 marriages are affected by an affair. 22% of husbands and 14% of wives have an extra-marital affair. Most of these marriages end.

What about folks under 20? The latest reports indicate a slight decrease in sexual activity amount high school students, with now around 47% indicating they haven’t had, what they consider, sex. There are a whole lot of other stats and things to talk about here. But here is what comes across to me, as what I think is one of the scariest stats- recent stats indicate as many as 1 in 4 teenage girls in the US and Canada have a STD or STI: human papillomavirus (HPV), chlamydia, and herpes simplex virus. Which if course means that about 50% of high schools engaging in sexual activity are getting an STI!

OK, the point is this and should be obvious- many people, and many of our youth, are already playing this game. More importantly, they are already losing at this game. They are harming themselves in physical, emotion, and I would add spiritual ways. They have not been taught the right way to play. And when you take all the moralizing and STI’s and stuff out of the picture, it still boils down to this- less than half of people who are sexually active report being satisfied with their sex life. Less than half. Of those having sex, most say it’s not as satisfying as they’d like it to be, and for many in fact it’s dissatisfying. Indicating that they think they have some significant problems in their sex life.

That is so sad! So here’s the is the good news- do you want to know who is reporting the most sexual satisfaction of all- of all people in North America- married Christian women! And you know whom among this group report the highest rate of sexual satisfaction- the women who’ve only had one sexual partner and who waited until marriage. How about that- abstinence sells sex! If you want the best sex- be a woman and wait until marriage. Women who indicate they are Christian and who are married are statistically the most likely to be winning at the game of twister.

So now let’s get on with talking about how to play this game right and how to win! Because really, this game to too great to mess up!

Step one, following the wisdom of Solomon- fear God. Revere God. Acknowledge that God made sex, he made us sexual, he had a design for our sexuality, a purpose for our sexuality, and plan for our sexuality. That’s our opening move in this game of Twister- God made us sexual and has a design for the expression of our sexuality. God wasn’t surprised by the plumbing. He thought it up, and I think he did a pretty great job. And like any good game, he didn’t just give us the pieces, he made us a game plan. God gave us the parts and a plan. We start by embracing that.

Step two, following Solomon’s wisdom- love God and neighbor as you love your self- somehow your sexuality must reflect your love of God, your love of your neighbor, and your love of yourself. Which should all be so obvious, but somehow isn’t, because so many have removed God from the game of sex, they have not sought to love their neighbor, and they do not even treat themselves in loving and respectful ways.

Let’s go to Genesis 1. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The story unfolds a brilliant plan of creation- creating the foundation for the entire universe, for all of life. Read it. Embrace it. It’s awesome. You can’t understand fully Christian faith, or life I would add, without becoming intimately knowledgeable with the first three chapters of Genesis. You certainly can’t understand sex without these chapters.

God makes the realms of creation- the universe, the atmosphere, and the earth, God has laid out the playing field so to speak. He created what was necessary to support life. Then he starts to fill them. He makes the sun, the moon, the stars. He fills the universe. He makes the birds and the fish- he fills the atmosphere. Then, day six, he starts to fill the earth.

He starts by making all the animals: livestock, wild animals, and the crawlies. He makes it all. Then he says something totally new, totally different: let us make man in our image. Already we are seeing very clearly the Trinitarian overtones in the revelation of our God. Already we know that humans are going to be intimately tied to and like the rest of creation, but already we know that there is going to be something very unique, wonderful, and extraordinarily different about humans.

God says: let us make man in our image, and them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all creatures that move along the ground. SO God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; make and female he created the.

We do not get the full image of God without men and women. We can never be complete without one another. It is absolutely essential. And then God let’s us know why: God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and increase in number.

The very first command that God gave to men and women was to have sex! And ever since that day teenagers have been trying passionately to honor God and obey that command frequently as they can! What does he actually say- be fruitful and increase in number. The first command is to have babies. Make babies! We just happen to know that the best way to make babies is to have sex.

Here’s the thing we have to acknowledge about our God- he wants people. He wants us to make more people. God likes babies because he likes his image bearers and he wants more of his image bearers to populate the creation he made for us. We will never start to understand the game of sex until we are willing to acknowledge and embrace this reality- God likes us being fruitful. God wants us to join with him in the creative process and create babies!

If the bible story ended there we would have a very clear mandate, and very few instruction on how to carry it out. And let’s be very clear here- women would be at a terrible disadvantage to men. It would be our job to go and get as many women pregnant as possible. To sow our seed and fill the earth.

But thankfully the story doesn’t end there. In fact, it now goes way deeper. God says I have to give you chapter 2 so you know how to play this game. Lets’ go there: Chapter 2 tells the story of the first man and woman, Adam and eve. God makes Adam, he makes a garden for Adam. And God loves Adam. But there is something not right. Something is not right in this otherwise perfect creation, but it’s not a creation flaw, it’s an incomplete creation- there is not yet the full image of God reflected in creation, because there is no woman.

SO God parades all the animals around Adam. The job is to name them and find a suitable partner. He starts checking them out and naming them- let’s call that a dog, that’s a cat, that’s a squirrel, that’s a moose- what on earth is that- that’s a giraffe, that’s weird. Whoo, hold on, what is that? I like the looks of that God! I think I found the one God! No Adam, call that a ring tailed lemur, that’s not for you Adam. Anyways, he goes through all of creation, no fellow image bearer is found. God puts man into a deep sleep (and now you know why men can still, to this day, sleep through crying babies, car wrecks, hurricanes, and just about anything else- God created us to go into a deep sleep, so deep, God can stick his hand into our side, rip out a rib, and cover it back up with flesh. Which is just what God did.

Then this is what happened: The man said, now this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame. Gen 2:23-25.

IF the story ended with chapter one we would have no moral code, no other guidelines, no other instructions about sex. It’s all about making babies. Make as many babies as you possibly can. And this would leave women and children quite literally on their own. But with the introduction of chapter 2 everything about the game of sex changes, because now sex is about so much more than making babies, it’s about a bond between a man and a women, more specifically, a husband and a wife, that which is the most complete refection of the image of God that happens here on earth.

Folks, it comes down to this: Babies and Bonding. The game of sex is a game of making babies, and bonding as a couple. If you remove these two rules from the game, you are not playing the game the way it was meant to be played. In every sexual relationship there must be the acknowledgment, the embrace, of the creational fact, that this is about making babies and bonding as a couple. Babies and bonding between a husband and a wife is what it’s all about. If you don’t play by these rules, you are going to lose. I can’t make that any softer, any more inclusive.

The thing about sex in the bible is this- it is radically exclusive. There is only one way to play the game the way God intends and I know I’m probably going to make 90% of this gathering terrible uncomfortable and upset, but please don’t write me off just yet. Sex in the bible is a gift from God but it is radically exclusive. It is a game to be played by one man and one woman after they are married and become husband and wife. And in the act of sex the couple is to embrace the two realities I’ve just mentioned- babies and bonding. The couple that marries and intends to have sex, and if you get married you really should intend on having sex, you have to be open to the possibility of having babies, and being bonded together as a couple.

Now some of you your minds are already racing all over and I want you to stick with me so let me make a few disclaimers:

One:
Sex is about a man and woman coming together in marriage to make babies and be bound together for their whole lives. Does this mean everyone must get married and make babies- no. Jesus didn’t.

Two:
Does this mean of you haven’t followed this game plan so far, there is not hope, no redemption, no chance for you to have happy an fulfilled life, and sex life? NO, our God is a God of grace, love forgiveness, new beginnings. Stick with me. Don’t write me off yet, because I want to talk about the reality sex with the guidelines of babies and bonding.

Three:
Does every marriage have to have babies? No. You can make it as a couple and not have children. Many couples struggle with conceiving a child. In fact, one on five couples struggle with conceiving a child. You don’t have to have kids, but you have to understand that sex is given to us as the means of pro-creation, and if you separate that reality from sex you are not embracing the full picture of sex. But I would add this- this will offend someone I’m sure. I don’t think you can get into marriage when you are young and fertile and from the outset simply say- we don’t want to have kids. We have no reason other than the fact that we don’t want kids. If you don’t want kids, ever, and you have not other reason why- then you also need to ask if you even want to be married and have sex. When you eliminate babies from the picture you are trying to remove the most important reality of sex- this is how babies are made. And when you do that, I think you have begun to view sex in a distorted way. Your understanding of sex, your expectations for sex, your expectations and understanding of your partner will change and shift. And it will mess your relationship up. Fertility, and making babies is a good thing! Of course this does not apply to older couples past the child bearing years.

Fourth:
Does every sexual encounter have to lead to a baby? Is it only about babies? I really hope not. And no it doesn’t. Because of chapter 2 we know that there is this bonding of flesh and bone that happens between a couple when they are married and when they have sex. And this bond is so deep, this new sexual reality is so powerful, that it actually re-draws the lines of our primary relationship in this world. Where as when we are born we are born into a family and we are flesh of flesh and bone of bone with our parents and siblings, some miraculous happens when we marry and have sex with our spouse- we form a bond that now supercedes that of our parents and siblings- we are now bonded, until death do us part, with out spouse. For this reason a man leaves his family, and cleaves unto his wife.

There are a hundred, a thousand examples and situations and options that we could go through to flesh out this game of sex. That is a good thing to do. But in the end it comes down to this simple, clear, concise, and beautiful playing ground: one man, one woman, in marriage, open and aware that their sexual union is the very place in which life is created, and in which they form a bond stronger than any other tie on this earth. A bond of body, of mind, of emotion, of soul. This is the way the game is played. This is how you win.

You will simply not experience the full pleasure of sex if you don’t not play out sex in the way it was designed to be played. You can’t have fun playing a game, any game, if you do not play by the rules. If you try to play cards, and someone cheats, is everyone having fun- no. If you try to play hockey, and someone else is trying to play football, you are not going to have a good game. If you try to play baseball, but you do not have the equipment, you are not going to have fun. And on and on the illustrations go all pointing to the fact that for a game to be fully enjoyed you have to play with the right equipment, in the right context, and by the right rules. And when you do that- you got yourself a game. When you play with sex you have to get the right equipment in the right context with the right rules. You’ve got to get a man and a woman, in a marriage, with the understanding that babies and bonding is the reality of this game. And when you get that right- dag, there are going to be fireworks, No, I take that back, it’s going to be even better, it’s going to be orgasmic.

Play the game outside of these rules, and you are setting yourself up for a fall, and you are setting yourself up for a lose. And it could be a very big loss. Does that mean you are a loser? Absolutely not. Guess what, with God, we can always restart the game. We can clear the board and start over. But we will have baggage. And I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. You may already have some babies. You already had some bonding. You now have memories and experiences you can’t erase. You know, better than others, that you want to play this game right. You want to set yourself up not for a moment of please, not for an orgasm, at the cost of the whole game.

Because I can promise you this- no orgasm, no sexual encounter, as great as it might be, is worth the potential lose of playing this game poorly.
No orgasm is worth your reputation.
No orgasm is worth your self-esteem.
No orgasm is worth your future marriage.
No orgasm is worth your future bond with your spouse.
No orgasm is worth your career.
No orgasm is worth a disease.
No orgasm is worth your fertility.
No orgasm is worth your family and your kids.
No orgasm is worth your clear conscious.
No orgasm is worth a bad memory, because that memory will last forever.
No orgasm is worth it, because it just an orgasm, it’s just a moment. It’s just some pleasure. And there are so many other things that are much more worthy of your life. But that’s the crazy thing, to see people throw away their life for an orgasm. People literally throw it all away, they ruin everything, for an orgasm.

You want to set yourself up to win in the game of sex, to win over the course of your lifetime. To win every time you have sex with your spouse. To win 2, 3, maybe 4 times every week.

Singles:
I don’t want you to mess up this game of sex, because way too much is at stake. Today, if you have not played this game yet at all, if you have not played around with sex at all, you are setting yourself up for something awesome! You are setting yourself up to play some great games of twister later in your life. Get right with God. Get right with yourself. Figure yourself out, get smart, get strong, get a life, get a job. The get yourself a woman or a man who totally sees this game the same as you, then go for it! You don’t have to test it to see if it will work. It’s not rocket science. It will work. You will mess up at first. You will have some 10 second count downs to launch if you are a guy. If will have many failures to launch if you are a woman. It will not be like the movies. It will not be good. You will have a very steep learning curve, but you’ll get there, and when you do, it is awesome, it really is! And you’ll figure it out together, and you’ll bond together, and it will be awesome!

If you have some sexual history:
If you have played around with sex, and you haven’t gotten on God’s game of Twister, talk to him about it, get this straightened out! Start over! Start a new game, and play it right, and deal with the games of the past, but put them in the past and move on. God is so awesome, and so loving, and so forgiving, and such a Great God of new beginnings. Take him up on that promise, and then play the game well, play it right!

If you’ve really lost at this game:
If you are hurt, divorced, if you have baggage, if you have guilt and shame, if you have messed up in this area of life, if you been messed up by this area of life. If you feel like a loser in the game of sexual twister, we want to love you, help you, pray for you, and help lead you on a great new game plan.

If you are married:
It’s game time! Play it often, play it well. Play it creatively. Play it joyfully. Play it lovingly. Play it by the rules, and play it with babies and bonding in mind. If you’re newlyweds, start talking about the reality of babies. There is so much that needs to be said here, and will be said later, but you have to keep the reality of babies a part of the conversation, because when you are playing around with sex, you are playing in the realm of the creation of life, and that is a very powerful thing you are playing with.

If you are in the throws of raising babies:
God is happy. God loves people, God loves kids, God loves families. Raise you kids to know God and obey his commands, and take some time to bond, jus the two of you, if you know what I mean, and if by now you don’t know what I mean, well just forget about it.

If you are past the child bearing years:
but still have a twinkle in your eye and some spring in your step and….I’m gonna stop there. If this is where you are at- enjoy the bonding that happen between a husband and a wife and continue to nurture that bond that runs thicker than even blood. Celebrate the gift of sex. Be and example to the coming generation. Teach us what you’ve learned over a lifetime of child rearing, of bonding as a couple, of loving God and loving each other. You are awesome and we celebrate you.

Monday, November 3, 2008

The Game of LIFE: Trivial Pursuit


The words of the teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:
Meaningless! Meaningless! Says the teacher.
Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless!
Ecclesiastes 1:1-2


My favorite games are the ones that get people interacting. The more people involved, the better. It might be a sporting game, or a big group game. I just learned a great new game last month- Bunco. If you haven’t played this, look it up online, buy yourself some dice, and get 12 friends together. IF you don’t have 12 friends, make more friends. And if you don’t mind losing, invite me. Because I rocked at Bunco. Now I’m not saying that to brag, it's just that I’m the best Bunco player I’ve ever played with!

Actually, I say this because Bunco, and most games, are a great window into our soul. Play a game with someone, and you will quickly learn so much about that person. How they play, how they handle stress and competition, how they win, how they lose. How they interact with their team, how they treat the other team. I've often said that you can actually learn more about a person’s qualities and characteristics in an hour of playing a game than you could in having some intense conversation. I say that because I’ve had the experience of people leading me to believe a whole host of things about themselves through conversation. But when we play a game together, wow, they show a whole different side.

This month we are going to look at how we play certain games, and in looking at how we play these games I think we are going to learn more about ourselves than countless hours of conversation. I think that as we examine how we play certain areas of life, we are going to uncover a lot of stuff inside of us. A lot of stuff that we might not be aware of. A lot of stuff that has gone unexamined in our lives, but stuff that is impacting the way we play in some very significant ways. Stuff that impacts what we think about ourselves, about life, about how we play out our lives. We are going to look into some very specific games that will reveal some very specific things in us.

But the things we are talking about are not ultimate just a bunch of "games." These are real parts of our lives, and unlike a game, in these areas of life losing is really going to cost you. In fact, in the things we are going to talk about, losing is really not a good option. Losing will cost you a great deal. Losing can even cost you your life. SO we are going to look at how the game is play, what are the rules, what's at stake, what losing means, and what winning will look like. We want you to win in every one of these areas of life!

We are going to look at Twister: Playing with Sex. How are we playing with sex? How we play out sex is going to tell us a whole lot about what we think of ourselves, others, relationships and life. PLEASE TAKE NOTE- this will be rated PG-13. We will be offering an extra classroom next week in one of our theatres for your children.

We are looking at Monopoly- Playing with Money. How we play with our finances is going to reveal so much.

We are looking at SORRY- the game of sweet revenge. WOW, this is going to shed light on our view of relationships and forgiveness.

Finally we are looking at one of my favorites- RISK- the game of world domination. In this message I’m going to reveal my personal plan for world domination- just kidding. I’m not revealing that plan just yet. Today we start by taking a more birds eye view, looking at a classic game- Trivial Pursuit.

This morning as we talk I want you to consider two game boxes- one is titled Trivial Pursuit, just like the game. The other here is called Meaningful Pursuit. Obviously, I want you to see this as an analogy of your life. And as we talk this morning, I want you to consider which box better represents the way you are playing the game of life. Which game are you really working at- is the sum total of your life a game of Trivial Pursuit?
Or is the sum total of your life a Meaningful Pursuit?

The reality of our lives is that at the end our days, where they be many or few,our lives will be the sum total of a lot of trivial pursuits, or a lot of meaningful pursuit. One of these boxes is going to weigh more than the other. One of these games will be mastered, the other perhaps entirely missed. The things we do, the things we say, the goals we set, the hopes and dreams we hold, what we do with our gifts, what we do with our talents, and playing into one box, or the other. We are pursuing trivial things, or meaningful things.

Now here’s the tricky part- in the midst of playing, we are all going to be dealt, for the most part, the same hand in life. Really, when you strip life down to it’s basic essentials, we are dealt very similar hands. We’re born, we die. We eat, sleep and play. We find some kind of work. We seek relationships, perhaps marriage, perhaps a family. We live somewhere, in some place, at some time. We have some freedoms, and we have some limitations. There is a tremendous amount of variety with the game of life, but we are all playing the game of LIFE.

And what I want you to see is that playing to trivial pursuits or to meaningful pursuits is very much a matter of our intended outcome. We’ll all work- will we try to make it meaningful, or trivial? We’ll all have relationships- will they be trivial, or meaningful. We’ll all make and spend money- will we do so in trivial ways, or in ways that we hope bring meaning. The different between playing to one of these boxes is very often a matter of our heart, and our hopes. And that’s why this takes some work, and reflection, and introspection on our lives. It’s also going to take some brutal honesty. We are going to have to ask ourselves, if we don’t want life to simple be a trivial pursuit, which game, really, which box, and I really playing towards?

The bible deals with this issue of the trivial pursuits of life. There was once a man named Solomon, the son of David, the greatest king Israel ever had. But what is so interesting is that Solomon was positioned to be the greatest king Israel ever had. In fact, there’s a story in the Old Testament where God spoke to Solomon and told him that he would give him anything he asked for. Solomon asked for wisdom to govern and lead the people of Israel. It would appear that Solomon’s wisdom was going to come through a life of trivial pursuits. The details of which are written down for us in a little book called Ecclesiastes. This is the final lesson he teaches to the people. This is the sum total of wisdom. He wrote this:

Ecc. 1:1-2 The words of the teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:
Meaningless! Meaningless! Says the teacher.
Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless!

Amen, thanks everyone have a great week and we’ll see you next Sunday.
He makes this very poetic introduction and sets the stage for a deep exploration of all the things which men and women have ever pursued to find meaning and purpose in life. He leaves no stone unturned in his teaching, and more importantly, in his life. For what he is about to reveal comes out of the experience of his life and his pursuit for meaning, and all the trivial things that have consumed his life. He writes

1:12-14,17-18 I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind….I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom and also of madness and folly, but I learned this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.


Is Solomon against learning and wisdom and knowledge? Is the bible anti-intellectual? Of course not. Christianity has always cherished learning, literary, teaching and education. But many of you have come to experience yourselves the truth of that statement- with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief. Information, intellect, intelligence in and of itself can not and will not bring you meaning and purpose in life. Education, even the most noble of educational endeavors, can amount to nothing more than a pursuit of more trivia and trivial information that can have the sum total sorrow and grief in life. This is why the suicide rate is actually highest among educated people. And higher yet among university students. People hear that and they are like that’s incredible, that’s unbelievable. No, it’s not. It’s a testimony to what the bible teaches and what we see all the time- the pursuit of wisdom itself can be a trivial pursuit that breeds misery.

So Solomon goes on...
2:1 I thought in my heart, “Come now I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless.


Now if I have a temptation to go down one of Solomon’s paths, it’s definitely this one. This is very tempting to me. Solomon writes that he denied himself no pleasure in life. Solomon created a lifestyle for himself that makes Hugh Hefner look like a man who lived in abject poverty. I mean the playbody mansion, the playboy bunnies, the parties, the drinking, the drugs, the food, the sensual pleasures- Solomon had all of this in spades. He created for himself the playboy mansion times ten. Solomon’s kingdom reached further than any Israelite king before or after him. His house took 13 years to build. It was bigger than a football field, more than four stories in height. He amassed a mansion greater than anyone else in the world. 1400 chariots and 12 thousand horses, an army of hundreds of thousands. Hugh has like a butler and a cook and a few other house workers. Solomon had 700 hundred wives and three hundred concubines. Hugh has what, his three blonde girl friends.

What did he write then:
I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.
Take a moment and think about what you would give yourself, what you would do if you found yourself in a position where no pleasure you desired would be refused. What are you thinking about?

You should be ashamed of yourself! Honestly, if we could have collectively projected your thoughts on screen, I don’t think many of us would be very proud right now.

He didn’t stop there. Solomon amassed riches like the world had never known. What did he say-
5:10 whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves money is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless.


I want to tell you today that the worst thing that can happen to you is to reach your misdirected goal in life. Because when you reach that misdirected goal the whole house of cards is going to come falling down. Because some of the most miserable people you will meet are the people who have reached their goals in life. And it wasn’t until they reached their goals in life that they finally learned, the finally realized, that it was all meaningless, just a trivial pursuit.

I read the story of Tony Dungy, Quiet Strength, coach of the Indianapolis Colts. Tony had the experience of winning the Superbowl two years ago. In the book he talks about this stuff. He wrote how for nearly his whole life had this dream of wining the Superbowl. He said you know how some people have this goal, like winning the super bowl, and when they achieve it, it’s profoundly disappointing.

He said that wasn’t his experience at all! In fact, he said, it was better than he ever imagined it. Even better! But he said, you want to know why? It was because winning the Superbowl had never been, and would never be, the purpose and the meaning for his life. It was just a goal. It was just a game.

Too many people reach their goals in life and it’s the worst thing that ever happened to them because it wasn’t until then that they realized it was all just a trivial pursuit, a chasing after the wind, meaningless. They may have even been pursuing great things, but because their motives, their reasons were trivial or misdirected, it amounted to nothing but misery.

You can everything the world has to offer, but without meaning, you'll only suffer. But if you have meaning for your life, then you can suffer anything the world throw at you. Solomon learned first hand that it's better to have meaning than anything else in the world.

Solomon finally, after sharing his wisdom which was learned the hard way. He finally relents at the end. He has to drawn his learning, his experience, to a conclusion. Is there any meaning to life? Is there any purpose to all of this? Are we just some grand cosmic accident? Is the very fact that we long for purpose and meaning and a reason to live all part of the cruelest trick that random chance has ever played? He writes:

12;13-14Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.


Is it all just a trivial pursuit to find meaning and purpose and passion in this life? Absolutely not! We begin to find our purpose in life when we fear God, or to tease that word out, when we revere God. We view God with reverence, with respect, with worship.

We will begin to discover our purpose in life when we make the decision to revere and worship God. This means we put God before all things. We dedicate our life not to sex, money, power, power, prestige, or anything else- we dedicate our lives to God. Now this morning I want to ask all of you, even if you are not totally sold out on this Jesus stuff, to at least make this step of faith- acknowledge God. Revere God. Just this simple step of saying God, I may still have questions, I still don’t have it all figured out, and I know I won’t ever get it all figured out, but I’ve got this figured out- you are God, and I am not. You are the creator, and I am a creature. And I just want to revere you right now. I may not even be totally sure that you’re a personal God who wants a personal relationship with me, but at least I can move a step in that direction and say at the least, the relationship is that you are God, I’m not.

Now I also think the great news is that you can acknowledge a whole lot more- because our God is relational and wants a relationship with you the first step in flooding our lives with meaning and purpose is to get this right. Revere God. Then what we discover is that there is pleasure and meaning in the matters of life. In fact, we don’t really begin to enjoy life and life it to its full into we get this straight. You will not reap all the joys of sex from sex until you stop making sex your God. You will not enjoy money until you stop worshipping money and worship God. You will not enjoy relationships until you start living out relationships the way God desires. You will not enjoy success until you start to view success through God’s standard of success.

Fear God, and keep his commandments. What does God command- what is it that we do that will matter most in this life, and will in fact matter throughout eternity- love God, love your neighbor. The most meaningful pursuit of our lives is the pursuit of God, and loving him. We say this all the time here. Love God. Do that right, and everything else in you life will start to fall into place. There is nothing above or beyond or better than loving God.

This actually gives us a very profound insight into God. If God’s first command, if God’s hearts desire is that we love him, that means that God desires you. God wants you, he wants your love, He thinks your love is pretty special, He thinks a relationship, a loving relationship with you, is the best thing in this world!

God thinks being in a loving relationship with you is the best thing, the best investment, the best and least trivial thing we can do- and all of God’s actions toward us demonstrate this. God bothered to make the world. He made a garden and made us and sought to spend time with us in a loving relationship. Even after the fall God still desires to be with us. So he called people to himself. He wanted to be our God, and we to be his people. In Jesus he came to be with us and show us his love. In sending us the Holy Spirit God is saying I want to be with you and to love you.

What does loving God look like- being with Him. How do I live out my love for my wife and kids- I spend time with them. I am with them. It is not a trivial pursuit for me to take time to be with Robin, and to be with my kids, and in fact, it is the greatest thing I can offer them and it is how we love each other and how we grow in love for each other. And it is what God desires. Love him, spend time with Him. Invite him into your life. Start your week with worship. Start your day reading the bible and saying a prayer. Take breaks all throughout the day to say God, I want to love you, I want to be with you, I invite you to be with me. This is how we begin to live a life of loving God.

What game are you going to play in this life? What box are your going to fill? Trivial pursuits, or meaningful pursuits? This is the box of life. This is the one that matters. Don’t wait until the end of your life to play this game right. Play it now. Pursue meaning, pursue purpose, pursue God. Revere God, and love God. And your life will find meaning, purpose, direction.