Games nearly always involve a winner and a loser. The game is going somewhere and in the end one person or team wins, and others lose. To the winner goes the spoils, the celebrity, the fame, the power, the money, the glory. In the 70’s they tried to create games where nobody would win or lose. (In the 70’s they also created disco, so we know that not all ideas from the 70’s are good ones.) The New Games, which emphasized the play rather than the conclusion, never really caught on outside of freshmen year orientation.
This is the reality of games. We try to play against the other teams strengths and weaknesses. We plot, plan and prepare. And we know this is the reality of how it’s gonna go down- winner and loser.
So I have to commend the makers of Sorry. Instead of adopting the, nobody wins, nobody loses dream of the 70’s, they decided to fully embrace this reality of competition. The game is based on one person leveraging themselves against the others. One player advances by sending others players back to the beginning. You advance at their expense. It’s been a while since I played the game, but it always opened the door for some very interesting interactions. At first, one would timidly send a player back to start, usually accompanied by the title- sorry! A few minutes in we forget the pleasantries. A few more minutes in, we are going for the jugular- we revel in sending someone back to square one. We knock their piece over in disgust. We toss them off the board, we laugh in their face. Our opponents are reduced to tears. There is weeping and gnashing and rending of garments. We smugly say, don’t like, then quit. You’re gonna lose either way!
Then the game ends and we move on, right? WRONG! Kids revel in defeating their parents. Husbands and wives go to bed without speaking to each other. One reveling in the win, and the other, like the title says, begins to plot their sweet revenge. They’ll flush the toilet when they are in the shower. They’ll make sure the others favorite cereal is all gone. They’ll be late, or make them late for an important meeting. They’ll not hang up their coat because they know it drives the other crazy.
We’ve all been beaten and burned in life. And we’ve all allowed our minds to travel down this path of revenge, ruminating, plotting, preparing for our sweet revenge. Some of us have not just let our minds go down that path, we started to walk it. We actually start to put these thoughts and plans into action. What’s the old expression, Revenge is a dish served best cold.
Oh sweet revenge! Something about this game calls to some of us. In fact, for some of us, this is no game. This is our life. This is our passion. We become consumed with the desire, the dream, the hope, of revenge.
Author John Ortberg calls it the law of Lamech. In Genesis a man named Lamech is wronged. It is a genuine wrong. Lamech response isn’t just to hurt back, his response is ultimate revenge- murder. But not only that, he makes a vow- I will repay anyone who hurts me 77 times over. And eye for an eye- not good enough. Child’s play. 77 times over I will hurt you for every hurt you inflict on me.
Do any of you have any great revenge stories? I mean a really great revenge story? Did you ever read or see the Count of Monte Cristo? What a great revenge story. Edmond Dantes is betrayed by a trusted friend who has him set up and imprisoned. He takes Edmonds, job, his fiancé, his freedom, his life. For thirteen years Edmond rots in a jail and is ready to take his own life by starvation. He befriends an old man tunneling his way out who ends up teaching Edmond about books, politics, chemistry, art and war. As the plot thickens he reveals the secret of a lost fortune to Edmond, and upon his escape, Edmond claims this fortune and begins to follow his new calling in life- revenge. As the story progresses Edmund is consumed by his desire for revenge, he loses sight of who has betrayed him, and who he can count on. The lives of those he loves becomes intertwined with those he hates. Instead of winning back the love of his life he is on a path to destroy. More and more he realizes that all his fortune, fame and power means nothing. More and more he begins to see that this path of vengeance is eating away at his soul… Wait, that’s not a great revenge story. It ends up being a story about how revenge ends up killing more of the one seeking it, than the one being sought.
There has got to be some great story about revenge, where somebody wrongs someone else, that person plots and plots and spends a lifetime time conspiring the others demise, they exact some sweet revenge, and then it’s everything they hoped it would be. The wrong against them is magically lifted, the years they spent consumed by the desire for revenge were all worth it, and the revenge brings them the peace and purpose and fulfillment they were looking for all along. There has got so be some story like that?
Or at least, that’s what we keep telling ourselves. And many of us must keep telling ourselves this because many people have spent the better part of their life seeking and plotting revenge for a wrong committed against them, ever believing that somehow it will be so sweet and will heal our wounds.
But you see, even Hollywood has figured out what so many miss- there really is no such thing as sweet revenge. You see, there really are no great revenge stories are there. I mean, there are great stories. But there are no really truly great REVENGE stories, because there are never really and winners in the game of revenge. But still, we keep harboring fantasies and plans for sweet revenge. “I’ll make them pay” is the thought, the hope, the sickness that keeps us going.
But all the while, the game is killing us. Fredrick Beuchner wrote
of all the deadly sins resentment, or anger, appears to be the most fun. To lick your wounds and savor the pain you will give back is in many ways a feast fit for a king. But in the end it turns out that what you are eating at the banquet of bitterness is your own heart. The skeleton at the feast is you. You start out holding a grudge, but in the end the grudge holds you!
You see, this game is a little different. The only way to win this game is to refuse to play. You see, there really is no right way to play the game of sweet revenge. Sex, we play that game- by the rules. Money, great game to play by the rules. Revenge, and all its groupies- bitterness, resentment, anger- we don’t play this game. This is where we walk away from the board. We don’t even entertain thoughts of playing this one, because it can only lead to our self-destruction. It will consume us until all that is left is the lifeless skeleton of our remains.
Some of you have been playing this game for a long time. For days, weeks, years, whole seasons of your life. We know what it’s like to carry anger.
- Maybe your mom or dad left when you were a kid. They robbed you the opportunity of a having them there, of having a stable household. Of having both a healthy, well-adjusted man, and a healthy well-adjusted woman, in a healthy well adjusted relationship. They took that from you, and that rots. That was wrong. It really was. They took that from you, and you’ve been taking that with you ever since.
- You had a best friend in high school. You told each other everything. You were inseparable and talked about everything, to the point of driving your parent or parents crazy. You vowed to be there for each other always, and you would never let anybody or anything come between you. Until he entered the picture. And even though you were the one with the crush, he asked her to the dance. And you’ve been carrying that betrayal with you ever since.
- You had an idea at work. It was the idea of the decade, the one that would make all the difference for your company. You just didn’t realize how huge it was. You just thought it was a good insight. SO you told your manager, and because you manager knew the inner workings and reality of the company better, they knew this idea was the golden egg that would change everything. And it did, and you never saw a penny of it. In fact, your manager realized he would have to squeeze you out so that you could not make a fuss and reveal the truth. And you’ve carred that with yo ever since.
- You made a promise to your spouse to have and to hold, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. And you were happy to make that promise. It wasn’t even work for yo, it was a delight. Everything was going great. Then without warning you came home and they were, packing the bag. You have no idea what happened, all you know is they are in love with someone else, so they say, and they are leaving. And you have been robbed of the promise you had all intentions to keep for a lifetime.
The bible always talks about this stuff in a debt/debtor relationship. Or they are defined as “trespasses” against us. Someone robs us of our childhood. They take our marriage. They steal our idea. They destroy our reputation. The most nature response is resentment, is anger, is revenge. They owe you and you must make them pay. You want to get even. They took something from you and you need to make amends. They own you and you must make them pay 77 times over! And you have been carrying that desire, that resentment, that hope for revenge with you for a lifetime.
And it’s eating you alive. And you need to get rid of it.
Ephesians 4 The writer tells us, "in your anger do not sin." It’s OK to be angry. It’s normal to get angry. It would be weird to not get angry. You would have to be an emotional cold fish! In fact, it’s normal to get angry because in the world bad things, wrong things, awful things are going to happen to us. Things that are not right- unjust, unfair, awful and wrong things. But there is one thing worse- to then take that anger, and let it grow. In your anger do not sin. Inyour anger, do;t take that emotion and use it as a spring board to say something you can never take back. To do something that you are going to regret. Or, to use that and to start down a very very dark path in life. A path of seeking payback, or revenge and retribution.
He writes do not let the sun do down while you are angry. This was a common saying of the time, and it still is. It has worked it way into our collective marriage advice- well what ever you do, don’t go to bed angry. You have to work it out. And it’s great advice. Because the worst thing you can do is to take that anger and carry it into the next day. And you’ve probably done that if you’re married. You took that anger into the next day, and you were much less inclined to get up and make the coffee. You happened to forget to kiss her good bye and say I love you. You didn’t call on the way home to see if you could pick anything up. In fact, you were late getting home, but that doesn’t matter because she wasn’t making you dinner anyways because she is WAAAAY better at being angry than you. Yeah, I said that- hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Brothers, you do not want to get into a revenge match with a woman because they will beat you every time. They will out smart, out last, out play you every time.
Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Don’t carry that emotion into he next day, because when it does, it gets a foothold in your heart. It’s a hold, and the long it’s there, the more comfortable it will feel.. The longer it is there, the more at home it’s gonna be. The longer it is there, the more is is gonna just become a part of the scenery of you life. It gets in there, and it settles down. And the longer it is there, the harder it will be to get rid of. The harder its gonna be to even know why it’s there, or how it’s there, or what happened in the first place. Have you been so mad at someone for so long, that you can’t even remember why you were mad? "Honey, what were we fighting about last week?" "I don’t know, but I’m still mad." "Well so am I."
When you start carrying that anger, that revenge, around with you, it gets in there, it’s hard to get rid of, and it starts spilling out into everything and everyone! Soon, you are going to find yourself in a whole new age and stage and place in life. But that anger, that revenge, is going to be so interwoven into your life, you won’t see it anymore, but I’m telling you, the people around you do. You’ll take that anger from your childhood, and bring into your first marriage. You’ll take that anger from your first marriage, and you’ll take it into your second marriage. You’ll take that anger from work, and you’ll take it out on your wife. You’ll take that anger at your parents, and you’ll seek revenge on you kids.
Don’t let the sun set on your anger, don’t carry it into the next season of your life, don’t carry it into the next relationship, the next job, into your relationship with your kids. Don’t carry it with you any longer. Deal with it. How? It’s so simple you won’t like the answer. It’s so simple a child can understand it. It so simple, but that why we can all do it. Get rid of it. Yeap, that simple. Verse 31, get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Ger rid of it. But George, you don’t understand. I was hurt, I was wronged. I know you were- get rid of it. But George, it’s not fair what they did. I know it wasn’t. I want to make them pay. I know you do. I want revenge. I know you do- now get rid of it. But George, if I told you want happened, you would be enraged. I know I would. You could tell me stories that would make my blood boil. I’ve heard stories that make me sick. I’ve heard of things that parents have done that make me want to kill them. That make me furious. I’ve heard of things spouses have done that make me want to go up to that guy and punch them right in their big stupid smug face. I’ve heard stories of injustice that make me want to scream. And after all the emotion, and frustration and discussion- get rid of it.
You not hurting them any more. You only hurting yourself, and now your hurting everyone else that comes in touch with your life. So it’s time to get rid of it. You’re going through life and you realize there is a small lump, or a persistent cough, or a spot that just doesn’t look right. You go to the doctor. The worst possible of news comes back. It’s not nothing, and it’s not benign. It’s cancer. What do you say, what’s the first think that goes through your head, the first things you ask- well doctor, what are we gonna do to get rid of it. Yeah, you want to find out what it is, where it is, how you got it. You want to understand it- but all of that is so that you can get rid of it. You’re not like. Oh, I think we need to use me as a test subject. Let’s seek to study and embrace this cancer and let it go untreated so that we understand the cancer and analyze that cancer, and see how the cancer will slowly kill me. NO- you want to get rid of the cancer. That’s the most important thing, that’s the only thing. Get rid of it- whatever it takes. IF it takes surgery, cut it out. If it takes putting chemicals into my body that will half kill me, but fully kill that cancer, do it. It will be worth the pain, the agnony, losing my hair, suffering greatly. I will subject myself to that because if I don’t I know something even worse is going to happen- it is going to kill me. SO more than anything else, now matter what it takes, no matter what the cost- get rid of it!
Someone of us have stuff eating us alive from the inside out. It has been growing in our heart and in our soul and it has grown tentacles that have reached into every part of our lives- our relationships, our work, our marriage, our parenting, even now into our kids lives as we see our anger not just lashing out that them, be wee see them even taking on our anger and rage and resentment and revenge. You have to get rid of it!
It’s time to forgive. As Christ has forgiven you! It’s time to forgive. The bible isn’t just good therapy and advice, the bible is good theology. The bible always brings it back to God. And this is what take sit a step further than we every could on our own. We model our forgiveness after the God who invented forgiveness. Because when we compare our lives to Jesus, well there is no comparison. God, who was perfect, who is perfect, forgives us of every thought, every deed, every angry, bitter hateful spiteful word, of everything. He clears the slate, he forgives us completely, and brings us into a relationship with him, and get gets on with life with us. He doesn’t let the sun set on his anger. He has already dealt with it. And he says I’m here to help you deal with it as well- get rid of it. Give it to me.
Name it- who do you want revenge on?
Identify it- why do you want revenge on them?
Then finally- get rid of it! Walk away from it. Forgive as you have been forgiven!
Because the thing is, we can never get back those things that are taken from us. We can never right the wrongs committed against us. When you childhood is stolen, you can’t get it back. When your first marriage is destroyed, you can’t get it back. When your reputation is damaged, you can undo the damage. And there are so many of us seeking revenge on people or for things that we can never go back to. You parents are dead. Highschool is over. Your X has moved on. For so many of the things we want revenge on, it’s not even really an option, is it?
So GET RID IF IT!
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